February 09, 2010 A parallel of sorts, of flower pots and life.

Helping out and getting back peace of mind.

                I consider it such a relief to have been able to get out of town, away from the hustle and bustle of ‘big city’ life.  And as always, it is a pleasure to be able to spend a little time with my grandparents; yet most of all, my grandmother.  She is having problems more and more now days, as that comes when you reach the ripe age of 89!  Mainly a lot of swelling in her lower legs, she will go to the doctor on Thursday for tests.  This is the latest issue that she is facing, yet in spite of her age, I must reassure you that she is doing very well in her age.  She is really a great lady, like my own mother she is to me.  Well, I was hoping to let everyone visit with her last night, have her on to answer some questions and what not; but the internet was not going to cooperate.  So, slating that plan, I decided to just relax a little and try to talk to some people on face book; I got to speak to Alma, she is always an inspiration to talk to.  When the morning came, it was wakie wakie, eggs and bacoieJ.  After light conversation over breakfast, I went outside to clean-up mainly around and all on the back porch.  There were a lot of leaves that had gathered in little piles (one not so little), as well as a lot of dead plants and flowers; that the last two freezes really took a toll on.  It was a true sad sight to behold, and no-one, including myself had been able to find the time/energy to clean this mess up.  And as I found out later on that my grandmother concurred, it was quite depressing seeing all of those plants dead; as many of them carried sentimental value to both me and her as well.  As I broke, picked, and trimmed away the dead stems and branches; I could not help but regard life in the same light.  To parallel how so often life brings death, loss, and cut backs where things are not as big and full of life for a time; if not at a total loss all together.  Yet what comes back, comes back usually more often than not, even more beautiful and resilient than before.  Like Niechie said, “The birth of tragedy”, what will come out of the bad experience that shines with its own special beauty?  And then to quote Robin Williams in the movie ‘What Dreams May Come’, some people must die, so that others may live.  When I left, the smile on my grandmother’s face, and a beefy complement was all the thanks I needed!  As of now, the porch (and all around it) looks a lot more welcoming, more resilient than as before.  Like in many things in life, it just takes a little hard work.  As I cleaned out the leaves and debris from the top of the potted plants, so that the sun can reach the soil; the thought crossed my mind how so often in life we must clear out things of old, so that all of the proper nurturing becomes achievable; therefore ushering on future growth.  Perhaps I think too much, I have been told so by many people.  Yet I hardly believe so myself, to me that was true meditation; a time when I can just forget about whatever it is that is on my ‘top ten list’, and just allow my mind to drift on whatever it may.  Then I find true inner-peace, now I can breathe!  It is next to impossible for any type of meditation to occur at the bunk house or in public elsewhere; one must be fully at ease and able to let his/her guard down in order to achieve true inner-peace through a meditative state.  So it’s no secret as to why I asked my grandmother if I could spend the night, I really needed to be able to focus, uninterrupted. 

                So, now it’s back to the big old city!  Back to looking for work, and for a therapist; with collage ‘fund-raising’ going on in the back drop!  I will be glad and relieved to get a job, and to get into therapy; as those two items are top priority to me at the moment.  Then once located, I just show-up and do a great job and everything should work out lovely (in time on the therapy front though).  Looking for something coupled with waiting has always been the hardest part for me.  I used to not have hardly any patience, through the years, especially the past seven years; I have learned and earned immense amounts of patience.  The only difference now concerning patience that I should work on, that I am aware of, is not being too impatient with certain things.  Yet I try not to be that way, as I would guess that everyone deserves at least a little patience; it’s just sometimes I can’t seem to find a reason in the rhyme!  Which usually more often than not, I just don’t understand something or someone.  Because that’s when my patience really fades, the only solution that I can find then is to just communicate and try to understand, that’s if I can; as sometimes people don’t want to, or know how to communicate (including myself at times).  I try to be understanding towards things, people, and situations.  Sometimes it can be very difficult to understand something, and more often than not, when that usually happens it involves a loss.  Or so I have noticed that way a lot, tell me what you think….