A Letter From A Homeless Man In San Bernardino California

The day Bobby left for Georgia we found ourselves having to accept the fact that we can't help every candidate we come across. Not but a few hours later, I received an email from a 27 year old from San Bernardino California. It seemed very serendipitous that as one seat became available, another person came out of the wood work who needed our help.

Tim and I had a very good feeling about the email. I spoke with David on the phone and got to know a bit about his situation, and tried to figure out the sort of program PTB could offer him. As Tim says, we need to keep our eyes open and see what 'is' and not what we want to see. We don't want to give anyone false hope, but at the same time, we don't want to overlook a participant based on our own misconceptions. At my first glance of Tim, I saw a man drinking seven forty-ounce beers per day. He was physically sick, and to see him today, it is very hard to picture him how he was. We didn't give up hope on Tim, and we don't intend to do this with future participants, but we must disassociate from what 'we want' for the participant and instead listen carefully to what the particpant needs.

We took the barriers in Tim's life as a challenge and went to work figuring out a plan to get the barriers removed. This is the only formula we have, everything beyond that is completely up to the participant and their unique situation. We need to get to know David's weaknesses, and strengths in order to figure out the best way to get him off of his current path, and onto a path towards his potential.

I asked David to write a public introduction of himself, so that the PTB family can get to know him. Please read the following words with an open mind, and comment generously and openly. David will be reading your comments, so please feel free to ask him questions. 

If there is anyone in the San Bernardino area who can work as a liaison for PTB, that would be greatly helpful if any emergency situations come about where we need a man/woman on the street to facilitate.

Here is the Introduction David wrote to me earlier today. I hope you will find it as inspirational as I did, and begin to feel the excitement (if you haven't already) that comes about when you see the potential in someone who can do great things if they are just given the chance to do so:

I was asked to write this letter and to share my life and how I ended up on the street homeless.  This is not easy for me to do as I do not like the idea of talking about myself

but I understand that there may be others in the same situation and it may also to help those who are not in this kind of situation, understand what it is like to be like this.

I was born like most people with two parents.  My mother died when I was born and my father raised me for 3 years.  He remarried and I lived with them until I was 11.  I had a very good life.  My father was a very successful business man and my mother was also

very successful in business and together they built a great business.  I had very loving parents who cared about me and never had a fight or argument and never yelled at me either.  From what I remember, we were a model family.

At age 11 I lost my family in an accident and was left alone.  I lived with my friends’ family and continued to go to school.  While it was difficult to deal with what had happened and the loss of my family, with kindness and support, I was able to keep going.

When I was 16 the family had to move to another state and could not take me with them and so I found myself again in another bad situation.   I got a job at a McDonalds from early afternoon until 1 am and then folded newspapers until  6am.  I would then go to school.  I keep falling asleep in my classes and found it difficult to do the work from no time to study or to sleep.  But with a tutor and volunteers, I was able to graduate high school

I continued to live on the street and work.  I was able to earn enough to eat and survive but could not earn enough to afford a place to live.

It was very difficult to live and to function as a normal person.  Most of the people in the McDonalds were people who I knew in school.  The high school was in a wealthy neighborhood and so most of the students had a lot of money or had parents how did.

All of the students I knew watched me go from ok to worse.  Most of the laughed at me or just made jokes about me and the ones who did not, offered no help at all.  I knew families who had millions, if not billions of dollars but had no kindness or sympathy for others in need.

If it was the other way around, I would have told my parents about the situation and asked if I could brig them home and help them.  My parents were the type of people who loved others and they would do anything to help someone in need, no matter what the cost.

Well I continued living on the street and lost my jobs as it was impossible to stay clean, to sleep and to function as the job required. I kept finding jobs but kept losing them because of the situation.  None of the employers cared nor did the employers.

I knew that this could not continue the way it was going but did not know what to do about it.  I knew if no one cared enough to help I needed to find some way to make enough money to support myself.    I found some business ads in the paper offering business for sale and found one I could do but new there was no way to every get the money.  I ran an ad in the paper asking for an investor.  I said I needed the money to buy the business and all the necessary equipment to make it run.  After 3 months, I was contacted by an investor who had the money. I explained the situation and what I was looking for and told him I would pay him 200% return on his money in 2 years if he helped me.  I showed him the business and he and I met with the business broker and seller and the investor bought the business.   I worked hard and spend 22 hours a day working the business.  I kept my word and paid the investor the 200% as promised but the business became more than I could handle.  I contacted another company who was doing the same kind of work and asked them to help me and I would pay them for the work they did.  With in a couple of months, I lost everything.  They company told all the customers I sold they business to them.  I lost everything I had worked for.  I did not have any experience in this and could not find anyone who could help me with this.

I was really lonely and did not want to be alone and one day I met a very nice girl who was working in a doctors office.  I was always stopping in to say hi and eventually over a month or two I finally asked her out on a date.  She was part of a big family and they all liked me.  It was going very well and finally decided to ask her to marry me.  But one day an old boy friend she had not heard from in years, started calling her and she started seeing him.  It was Christmas and I took the last money I had and bought some of her favorite perfume and bath powders and when to her parents  home and knocked on the door.  She opened the door and I presented her with the present and she took it and closed the door in my face.

So  life went on and I tried to make ends meet but never could get on my feet.

I thought I would try to find something in education that would give me a good career.  I got a loan to go to a technicle school but they after a month, they just took the money from everyone and closed the doors.

I then whent to an aviation school thinking that would be more reliable and that maybe if I could make it as a pilot, that would be a good career to have.

I got a nother loan and within about 4 months they closed the doors and filed bankruptsy.  I really liked the idea of being a pilot.  I loved the work and the idea of being to travel and it was more enjoyable than driving on a road so I continued to research and read about schools. I finally found a school that I thought was good.  They had a free telephone number and so I called them and tried to negotiate a free education since I knew that there was no way I could every get another loan.  Over 6 months of talking with the owner, he agreed to let me come to the school, he would train me at the schools' expense and then I would work for the school as an instructor to repay my debt.  I continued talking to him for another 6 months to make sure the school was strong and everything was going well.  Finally, I got the ok to go.  I looked diligently and talked to a lot of people and finally made some contacts to get a ride across the country to go to school.  Three months into the program things started slowing down and problems started developing at the school and after a year, the school closed.  They owner had taken the money from all the students and closed the school and I did not receive the training I was supposed to.

I had also arranged through the school to get an online bachelors degree and while taking the classes my grades were all A's but again that ended with the school.

All this to say that with the right environment and training I can do very well.  I have a lot of good business sense I learned from my parents and have a strong feel for business and could do very well with the right help and support.

While at school I found a really successful franchise that they did not have back at my hame state and if I could open one of thoes it would be a huge success. But again, no one I know who even has a lot of money is caring enough to listen.

I am a very hard worker and I am not lazy.  I will work 22 hours a day if necessry.  I never beg or ask for anything.

It is not easy being on the street. I have never used drugs and have never tried alcohol and I try to tay clean as often as possible as I am really embarassed about being dirty.

I cry myself to sleep every night.  I pain and lonliness of living on the street is absolutely unbearable.  I have thought about taking my life to end the pain and the lonliness many times.  I have called help lines, call centers and churches and no one cares.  They only say you do not need to do that, your life is valuable.

I agree with that, but people just say things to make you feel comfortaable.  But the truth of the matter is they don't care.

It is very difficult for a homeless person.  When you are on the street you fell like a freak, a misfit, a reject from society.  No one wants to talk to you or socialize with you and ther is not help to get out of the situation they are in.  You walk down the street and see families together, couples and people at restaurants socalizing and having a good time. The homless person sees all this and longs to be a part of society but is left out in the cold with not a soul to turn to.

It is not something a person wishes for.  It usually starts with abuse from parents early in life, being kicked out of a broken home or in my case a los of famil.

Most people today, have someone to turn to.  You lose your job you can move in with your parents.  You have a problem you can go to a relative and they let you live with them until you can pick yourself up again. You have someone to talk to and share your feelings with and someone who will really help you.

A person on the street may get an ocassional sanwich or a meal or maybe, if they are lucky, a few dollars but they will stay on the street their whold life.

It is like being in  a hole 10 feet down and you cry out for someone to help.  Peoiple just walk by and through you sandwich or drop a few dollars or just say, "hey buddy, been there, done that, I wish you good luck" and off they go.

A homeless person will never get helped unelss someone comes by and puts a ladder in the hole and helps them to crawl out and then makes sure they get what they need to succeed.

I am not talking about lazy people or those who just want to live off of everyone else and never work.   I am talking about people like myself who are hard workers, and hate living on the street but have no means to help themselves and just need help.

I said a lot in this letter.  I tried to keep it short but just have too much pain and hurt in side and want to share with with someone.

My words to anyone else in this position is, try to stay positive.  It is not easy when you feel lost, alone, abandoned, forsaken, rejected and just feel liie trash.

There are over 6 billion people in the world and lot of them have a lot of money.  If there are enough people who get the word out about our homeless situation, maybe others might sit up and take notice and would be willing to help.

I am sorry for the length of the letter.

Please leave your comments below. If you have any trouble posting the comment, please send your comment to sean.dolan@ascendgence.com with your username, and I will upload it for you. Please feel free to send this to your friends and family, and remember that this project works because of donations and the social particpiation of volunteers in chat and blogs. Both are greatly appreciated.